Or things I’m really good at doing.

I have a friend who insists that every man you are interested in gets a pro list and a con list. This way when you hate him and want to sock him in the stomach, you can remember the reasons you love him. And when he rejects you or makes you feel shitty, you can refer to the con list and remind yourself of how awful he might have been.

Here is a list that men can use to remember how grandly I am able to fuck things up.

1. Coffee at 5PM.  It’s Sunday.  You know how I am.  I need to have coffee at some point on Sunday, and if it doesn’t happen until 5PM, so be it.  It’s now 1AM and I am not in bed.
2. Working out at 10PM.  Again with the late start on Sunday.
3. Sleeping in on Monday.  Bad idea.  Monday is the ONE day of the week that I need to show up by 8.  Refer to 1 and 2 if you’ve forgotten why I am so very bad with this one.
4. Obsessing.  I have had a crush on a boy for nearly two years now.  Your math is right.  It started while I was married.  Clearly I am not in control of my crazy.
5. Obsessing over a coworker.  I left that part out, didn’t I?
6. Obsessing over a coworker who is probably not that into me.  If he wanted me he would kiss me.  Sometimes he looks into my eyes and I imagine that he wants to kiss me, but it’s my imagination and sometimes I am nuts.  This week’s focus will be on being less “available” to him.  This needs to stop.
7. Knitting for a boy.  I have a week or two to finish these mittens.  If he doesn’t wear them I will be pissed.

So basically this was an entry about a stupid stupid boy.  And about becoming unobsessed with him.

Except you see the irony, right?