or 16 again

Tonight we went to a concert.  Together.

He did not kiss me.

So I realize how this looks:  First I write about how much fun we had that night we went to the bar and hung out and got high and went to eat chinese, getting me home at around 4 in the morning.  Then I go on and on about how jealous I am because some little asian twat from the coast comes over to visit him and blah blah blah.  When I wrote that I was *sure* they were having mad sex all over his apartment.

(FYI he did let me know that they did not sleep together.  He worked it in all nonchalant.  Because normally we do not discuss the sex that may or may not go on over weekends.  I mean really, we never say “hey how was your weekend?  I didn’t have sex.”  But because (and of course I may be reading into this) he knew that I didn’t want to know if he did have sex, I’m guessing he figured out that if he didn’t have sex YES I would love to know that for a fact, he told me.)  So yes, no sex.  Also and really this is totally as awkward as it sounds:  I asked him if he is in love with her.  (to illustrate the crazy, his response to that was “in love with who?”)  So no, not in love.

And then last weekend happens.  And true to the pattern, it was fantastic.

Friday night I had dinner with him and his friends.  Then I went out with my girlfriends and had the Best Time Ever at karaoke.  The next morning he picked me up early at my place (with coffee!) and we went snowboarding.  On the way back I exclaimed that I was hungry.  Ten minutes later he said he was too.  Did he realize I was trying to have dinner with him?  I’m starting to believe the theory that he really *is* as dumb as we suspect he is.

WAIT WAIT hold on because we have newsbreaking stories rolling in here as. I. type.  Every night I talk to crushboy online.  Every night.  We have an unwritten online date every night at 10.  Except for weekends when every0ne is allowed to do whatever and no one really had to explain themselves.  Except normally we do anyways, because there isn’t much explaining to do.  So it’s sunday night and I’m on my standard 10PM date.  Which, now that I check the log, STARTED AT TWELVE MINUTES AFTER TEN.  I am not imagining this time.  We have a date.  It starts at 10.  End of story.  Whatever you wanted to do tonight, get it done now because ten is when we start our chitchat.  No earlier because that just keeps both of us from being productive all night.

For real, yo.  We both are kind of in the habit of not turning the thing on until ten.  Yet we’ve never actually discussed the rules that surround our “agreement.”

Anyhow, we are talking tonight and I’m talking and he’s not answering for oh, I dunno, a minute?  When my phone goes off.  Text.  From him.  Dude.  He TEXTED ME TO TELL ME THAT HIS INTERNET CONNECTION CRAPPED OUT.  Are you kidding me?  He’s polite and shit?  Most of my other friends would just drop it and let me assume that you lost your connection.  I know better than to think he just hung up on me.

Back to Saturday I guess.  We had dinner.  Well no, we didn’t just have dinner.  First you have to understand that my apartment is kind of at the edge of town.  When one returns from the skihill that we went to, my apartment is the first stop.  That’s pretty much why I can always scam a ride to the skihill.  That’s also specifically why I was OK with living all the way out here.  So instead of dropping me at home and making me drive all over the place to meet him for dinner, he asked me if it was ok if we ate way up north, (OK, sure, more time in the car with you, cute cute boy…)

As it turns out, this particular restaurant no longer existed at the location he was looking for.  So we had to drive downtown to visit their other location.  Downtown.  That’s like twenty minutes away, maybe thirty.

He took me home.  He had a party to go to that night.  I was asleep by 9.

The next morning he invited me to breakfast.  Now, keep in mind that his friends were all hungover from the party.  So really he had no one else available to him.  Plus I was online.  I doubt that he would have picked up the phone and directly invited me out for breakfast.  Normally this is something reserved for his male counterparts, so it was kind of a big deal to me that he invited me to breakfast.

After that we went back to his place…

And did not have sex.  We hung out.  I spent the day with him.  We had to pick up a friend of his.  We had a good time.

He also told me that he considered calling me Saturday night to see if I needed a driver.  How sweet is that?  Except you’re right.  He didn’t.  Minus whatever sweet points I considered giving him just then.

I went home in the late afternoon.

The week was good except for the fact that he’s likely taking a new job (elsewhere) soon and said job will take him to That Other County which will not be named, because really too many facts and this all becomes highly googlable.

I had a point back there when I started this entry.  It was to say basically that you should not take my weekend drama all that seriously because I am aware of the fact that I tend to have a shit weekend one week and an OMGICANTBELIEVETHATJUSTHAPPENED weekend the next.

So the crush has a guest this weekend. Uh huh you heard me. She lives elsewhere and she invited herself on his fb wall which kind of says to me that they don’t talk all that much.

Anyhow. The last time I talked to him was the morning the day she got here. She leaves tomorrow. I am not dealing well with this.

Keep in mind I have no confirmation that they are messing around. Also I clearly told him that if they do have sex I do not want to know. Crystal clear I think.

And then today my son told me that his father’s gf has moved in. Because kids, they say random shit. I did not ask him. I do not ask him stuff like that, for real.

So again with the not dealing well.

And then I went to get coffee this afternoon.  I got out of my car, walked towards the coffee shop, and realized the my ex husband, his (married) girlfriend and my son were walking towards the same coffee shop.  I stopped, hesitated for a second, and turned around.  got back in the car.  I’m sure they saw me.  My son didn’t, but the other two I am SURE.  There’s no way they could have missed me.

you know that feeling, kind of anxious and freaked out and you want to barf but it all might be totally unwarranted?  I have that now.  Hopefully by the end of the day there will be more to this entry.

sweet things the crush has done for me

• attempted to fix the tv that stopped working, complete with solder and manly tools.
• he thinks of me when he goes for coffee.  and brings one back for me.  every time.
• chocolate.
• random texts about nothing.
• emails with links to things he finds interesting or pretty.
• regular IMs.
• he unloaded furniture from an ill-planned IKEA run of mine.  and brought friends to help.
• he has brought me music.
• daily lunch invites.
• he giggles everytime he catches me counting the tip total on my fingers.
• he avoids scratching his fork on the plate because he knows it drives me insane.

When we stand close to each other and he looks me in the eye, I always wonder if he feels what I feel.  Because (and this is going to sound so high school of me to say) how the hell can I be the only one who feels it?

He’s on his way to get me.  I am a dork.  DORK.  He called to see if I wanted food, because he and the boys tend to grease up before snowboarding.  Which I never do.  But hey since he called and they’re stopping, I’m IN.  And coffee…

And now I’m all excited and semi giddy like a schoolgirl.

Snowboarding in the morning. W him. And his friends. He says they are not hardcore like him. Hoping to keep up w these boys. The crazy tells me that if they like me they will tell him thus making him realize I am wonderful. More wonderful than Peru.
Certainly I can hope.

Today’s post comes to you in the form of emails… Because I am thoughtful I am re-ordering the messages so you get them in order, instead of upside down, the way email replies tend to go.

> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 1:23 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> He applied for a job somewhere else.
—————————–

> *From:* Julia Brown
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 1:27 PM
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re:
>
> that f*&ckwad
>
>—————————–
> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 1:28 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> Well I’m torn because it might be the open door.
>

Because he has said that he has an issue with dating coworkers. Not with me or us specifically, but just in general. Because talking about us for real would be too much like talking about feelings. It’s no wonder this relationship is really taking off.

>
> *From:* Julia
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 2:03 PM>
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re:
>
>
> oh that is a good point. however it would be sad to not see him all the
> time.

>—————————–

On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 2:04 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> Yes that was the initial thought at lunch when he sprung it on me. And I
> tried not to cry. Or at least appear crazy.
>
>
> ——————————
>
> *From:* Julia
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 2:06 PM>
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re:
>
>
> Did you cry??
>
—————————–
> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 2:09 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> No I think I played it cool. Possibly too cool.
>
>
> ——————————

>
> *From:* Julia
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 2:10 PM
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re:
>
>
> make sure he doesn’t think you’re dying to get rid of him!
>
—————————–
> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 2:10 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> God I’d like a do-over of that meal.
>
—————————–
> *From:* Julia
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 2:12 PM
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re:
>
>
> just tell him in IM that you would miss him.
>
—————————–
> *From:* Hannah
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 2:15 PM
> *To:* Julia
> *Subject:* RE:
>
>
> I’ve said it before to his face, so I’m ok telling him that. But I think I
> was trying to not come off as crazy at lunch so mixed messages galore.
>
> His internet is out (so no IM). However he is trying to resolve it as we
> speak.
>
> I’m such a moron. A normal girl would have just said something instead of
> fawn like this for the past two years.
>
> ——————————

So then I decide to forward the entire conversation to my friend, Sally.

> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 5:16 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> This is secret. Pretend your husband is not bff with the person in
> question.
>
Yeah you read that right. B. F. F. I’ve never actually met Sally. She lives many many miles away and I promise you I am not friends with the intended’s bff’s wife because I am a stalker. I know how it sounds logical given my current state of crazy, but seriously, that’s not how it all went down.
> ——————————
> *From:* Sally
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 3:21 PM
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re: SHHHHH FW:
>
>
> OMG!!!!!!!!!!
> Where is the job?
>—————————–
(At this point she’s thinking he’s looking elsewhere because he has the “no dating coworkers” thing.)

> On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 6:22 PM, Hannah wrote:
>
> Peru. Again SSHHH.
>
>—————————–
I’ve never actually said it here, but just so we’re clear: We live nowhere NEAR Peru. Peru means an entirely different country for him.

> *From:* Sally
> *Sent:* Monday, March 08, 2010 4:40 PM
> *To:* Hannah
> *Subject:* Re: SHHHHH FW:
>
>
> WHAT?????????? Jesus H.
>
> Time to start wishing and hoping that doesn’t happen!
>
On Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 7:59 PM, Hannah wrote:
> He just spent the last 45 minutes here at my desk. I think I made it
> clear that I’m not on board with the plan. Yeah. Wishing and hoping.
>
—–Original Message—–
From: Sally
Sent: Mon 3/8/2010 6:54 PM
To: Hannah
Subject: Re: SHHHHH FW:

Maybe he’s trying to push you into telling him you love him????

—–Original Message—–
From: Hannah
Sent: Mon 3/8/2010 10:20 PM
To: Sally
Subject: RE: SHHHHH FW:

you are a funny girl.

predictably so, YES, the car show was kind of an arranged meetup.  Except this time he had a friend of his with him so we didn’t exactly hang out.  We texted back and forth.  While walking around the same event, silly I know.  We eventually met up when we were done and walked out together.

Here’s why I’m crazy:  We talked a little, he and his friend said hi to my son.  We walked a little…  When we finally said goodbye there was a look.  I am NOT imagining it.  A look and a linger, and there is no way I imagined this.

So you see this is how it works with us:  I’m ready to be totally over it.  And then something happens – we go snowboarding; we stay up talking online until 3AM; we share one too many inside jokes.  And I forget that I was done with him and the giddy feeling that comes up from deep inside my belly returns, and the flushing in my cheeks, and the smile.  I’m not complaining though, it’s kind of fun to not be in control.

Ann is bored at work so I’m updating in an effort to help her get through the day.  Because I am a good friend.

So two weeks ago theCrush and I and my son went to a boat show.  It just worked out that way, it wasn’t like a planned date or anything.  We had fun and he was awesome even when the kid got grouchy at the end of the day.  The highlight of the nondate was when one of the salesguys tried to sell theCrush a boat.  For him.  And his family.  LOL.  We both ignored it and never spoke of it again.

Last weekend he met someone.  Someone who is not me.  And I spent a couple of days going insane this week thinking about what was going to happen with the girl.  And then I got over it.  I decided that if he wants to date her lame ass, he can go right ahead.  She can’t be anywhere near as cool as I am.  And he’s a moron for even considering her.

And now I am running out the door to go to the World of Wheels.